A timely reminder....

We live in a volatile world, the impact of our actions and our words often forgotten. What can be an ordinary day can be changed in a moment. What can be a good day can be destroyed in a second.

As a gay woman I know that homophobia exists, I know that the war against words, actions and hatred is far from over. But I also know that we've come a long way, that it happens rarely and that I can live my life mostly as I want to.

But not today. Today I received a timely reminder that we have to keep working, keep fighting and keep trying to be agents of change. Today I was simply returning to my car, parked next to a school when I was reminded that for our young people it can be a long journey to understanding and acceptance.

It was only words and we all know words don't really matter. Don't they? They certainly feel like they matter when they're being directed at you from a group of teenagers. They feel like they matter when they so quickly disempower you, shock you and yes upset you.

The question is where do the words come from and where do they lead to? Well I'm not convinced they were grounded in hatred. Rather lack of understanding, lack of education. From parents - perhaps? From lack of LGBT teaching in schools and the failure to challenge seemingly innocent abuse of the word gay - quite likely? And from the abject failure of our society to provide regular positive messages about the LGBT community - most definitely!

But where do these words lead? The concern is they will lead to hatred, fear and suspicion. That they will grow in to a regular occurrence. That they may turn in to violence. Or worse that they may be passed down to their children and beyond.

Part of the problem is the indifference people have to the quest for LGBT and really any equality. People think the world has improved, that it's all okay, that the fight is over. But if that were true why are people still afraid to declare their sexuality? It's not a private personal decision. It's fear, secrecy and implies we should all be ashamed. We must stand together and come out to help make change.

BUT we must also challenge homophobia wherever it happens. No I wasn't able to combat it directly with the young people this morning - I was disempowered. BUT I didn't let that stop me. I went in to the school, I contacted the Head Teacher, I suggested ways forward like speaking to Schools Out, or the Police. I won't be beaten or ashamed by being reminded that ignorance exists.

I will though be reminded that unless we stand together, unless every moment we hear homophobia we say no, unless we declare our sexuality we will never be empowered and we will never be able to finally be free to be ourselves without prejudice.

Kent LGBT Hate Crime Vigil

Monday 21 February was a great night for the LGBT Community in Kent. It stepped out from the shadows and made a statement about what it will and won't accept. This was the speech I gave to welcome everyone to Kent's first Hate Crime Vigil.

Hello my name is Jo Frazer and I’m a gay woman who lives in maidstone.

Welcome and thank you all for coming tonight. I know that for some it may seem strange to hold a hate crime event as part of the celebrations of LGBT history month, but for me the two things can and do belong.

It’s so important that we stand out and proud together and help people to realise that LGBT people in Kent are your Doctors, your lawyers, your teachers, your postal workers, your project managers, your social workers, your road sweepers -

we are everywhere and we don’t want to be tolerated, we don’t want to be ‘accepted’ as if we’re something other, odd or strange.

No - we want to be recognised and respected for who we are and the contribution we make to society.

Martin Luther King said ‘our lives being to end the day we become silent about things that matter’ - well I matter, you matter, we matter -

every black gay man matters.

every disabled lesbian matters,

every muslim bisexual matters

and every elderly transgendered person matters.

So by being here tonight we can start the journey together - we can make a change and celebrate who we are whilst at the same time as saying ‘enough is enough’.

Welcome to the new year

So, twenty eleven is here - why is it that people get younger every New Year? I'm not sure what it says about our civilisation that we say goodbye the old year by getting hammered and hello to the new by feeling sick and hungover?

Maybe though it is an appropriate way of blocking out all that should have been in the previous year. I'd like to think we're all just a bit better than that though.

No 2010 may not have brought us all our dreams, it may not have brought in the changes demanded of a civilised world. People still seem to judge each other, lack forgiveness and the fight for equality, respect and dignity continues. But perhaps we took one step forward. Even a small one?

Perhaps this current Government, built on suspicion and selfishness will help remind people that actually society does exist and no it ain't BIG! It's the small people that count. The people that no one listens to. The homeless people you walk past on the street. The gay people too afraid to kiss or hold hands in public. The asylum seeker just looking for a safe home. The eastern european just wanting to work for a decent wage. The people in prison paying for their crimes but hoping against hope someone will offer them a job when they've served their time.

Who am I then to judge how people bring in the new year? Democracy, free speech, they are tricky concepts. I don't claim to get it right. But perhaps this year when the society we all thought we knew starts to crumble, when it starts to become about what makes us different rather than trying to understand, accept and respect those differencea - perhaps this year, more than any other I can try a bit harder and hopefully someone will listen......

so, we've been through an interesting few weeks. We've had a visit from the Pope, challenging how we feel about the way religion dictates how we behave, influences our laws and tries to push our media in to forgetting marginal groups. I'm all for religion and faith but not when it challenges human rights.

We've had a survey that seems to wipe out visibility of the LGBT community and make us even more a minority. So it isn't saying look we don't need laws to protect us but actually LOOK there is a reason those laws are there as you don't even think we exist!

BUT for me more importantly we have new equality laws. Do you understand them? No I don't either.

What I do understand though is that we each have to stand up and be counted. We have to work hard to make our lives better. We have to have courage to fight for what we believe. I'm an idealist, but I'm a realist. I know it is hard. I know you have friends and a family that may turn against you. BUT if you don't stand up for yourself then who will stand up with you or for you.

As someone who is gay I recognise our wonderful legacy, I see the power in simple steps. You don't have to try and fight against the big beast but take small, positive steps to be yourself and the world has to change.

Sometimes I feel powerless in my life to make a difference, then I remember that actually by being myself, by taking those small steps I CAN make a difference, I can change not only those around me but maybe, just maybe the world. All I ask, all I want is to give you that courage, you that chance to be yourself and send a ripple across the giant pond.

Be who you are. Don't compromise. Embrace the wonder that is you and the wonder you bring to the world. Gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, questioning, disabled, black, white, young, old - life is a celebration, give yourself the power and change the world.

Condemned

Well we're 3 months in to our coalition Government and how is it going for you? If you're a white, middle class, straight male then probably pretty well.

Sadly those who don't fall in to this category can slowly watch as their steps towards acceptance, protection under the law and respect fall away. Look at the proposed legal changes against gypsies and travellers.

What worries me most is that people will start feeling safe to challenge the equalities agenda. Things that we once counted on as important steps to show the world we must accept and embrace difference will disappear. Extreme views will start creeping back in to everyday conversation.

I despair as to how we can make everyone understand what equality means - that it is NOT about treating us all the same, we're all different and one size doesn't fit all. Do we need training in organisations, more events that all staff can be involved in or more messages in the media that embrace everyone? Culture change is hard but even harder if it isn't supported by the Government of the day or the local government in your area.

So I challenge all of you - white middle class straight men included to stand up for not only yourself but those around you. To challenge the status quo and to join together to ensure that the steps we've taken so far don't hit a brick wall.

Proud to be out

A short blog before Christmas. I really feel that we're going in to 2010 on a high. Gareth Thomas has taught us all a lesson - it's good to be out, it causes more damage to hide who you are. Talk about it with friends, family or helplines but talk about it.

His words about changing the stereotypes of rugby players and hoping that perhaps if someone in football can do the same are so powerful. He says that even if it only changes the mind of one person then its been worth it.

The lesson that Harvey Milk gave us, the lesson that it is worth being yourself - that through that comes not only personal liberation but a chance to make the world a better place is a great one to take through Christmas and into the next decade.

Dare to be different!

What makes people so afraid to be different, or even worse afraid of people who are different? They want to walk through life trying to make sure no one notices them - it effects who they are friends with and how they behave. These people long to be ‘normal’ but I’ve never been able to work out exactly what is normal?

Difference is what makes us all special. We are all different in some way. This difference can be extreme - it may be our race, it may be our sexuality - it may though be the colour of our eyes, our hair, a scar on our face. God it could even be the way we vote.

Yet the fight to help the world understand difference, the fight for equality can get lost in a misunderstanding that actually it’s about removing the difference. Rather than saying - ‘accept me for who I am’ we try to say ‘accept me as I’m just like you’.

Even worse this sometimes leads us to say actually rather than fighting for the rights of those who are different we should make sure we try to represent everyone. So the fight for gender equality is no longer about rights for women, the movement around sexual orientation should include representation for heterosexuals.

Now some of you may agree with this but personally I can’t. Down this road leads the argument that we are asking for ‘special rights’ - I’m not after positive discrimination, I’m after positive action. I’m after the world saying actually everyday is white male heterosexual day so today we’re going to do something for you.

I’m proud to be different, I don’t want to be like everyone else. But I don’t want people to be allowed to say I’m less than them because I’m different. And I want to think that out there in law, in our workplaces and on the streets people are willing to stand up for my right to be different.